Ramble on...

World without money:

Many a time I wonder how would the world be if money didn't exist and everybody was provided for, just like that. You could get whatever you wanted for nothing. People would have had so many more choices in doing whatever they wanted with their lives. I, for one, would have been a traveller. All I would have done would be listen to music, may be create some, read books, try new food everyday, meet new people, smoke, drink and travel freely around the world. In short, I would have been a hippy. I know my imagination is flying too high but for some time I just want to let it.

Stuff dreams are made of:

The biggest problem with most of our's life is that we plan it. Our parents teach us to be good children and study so that we can be successful in life. When we grow up, we go to a big college, get a fancy degree and then a “good” job so that we can provide for ourselves and our family, grow rich and be accepted by society. I wish it would have been different.

Stuff life is made of:

Sometimes I feel that my life, my very existence is a dream, that the world I see around me doesn't really exist but is only a simulation created in my mind. What if I am deep in sleep and dreaming all this. My childhood, my family, friends, relatives, my neighbourhood, my college, my knowledge, my job, my colleagues and the whole world. What if all this exists but only in my brain. What if someday I wake up and find that the universe is nothing but a “big nothing”, a void - infinite and dark. There's no light, no air, no physical matter. But if it would have been like that then even I would not have existed and if I didn't exist I wouldn't have learnt that there is nothing. I believe that “I am, therefore I think”.

Dazed and Confused

Is the world around us real or is it just an illusion?

We experience the world through our senses. We see, smell, hear, touch and taste. On the basis of all these sense perceptions our brain makes us see a three dimensional world around us (including ourselves) with all of its different characteristics, for example- the color red, an ice cube, the hard surface of a table, a song, etc. To put it in simple words, our senses bring a lot of data to our brain, which analyses it and creates an experience for us.

There are two questions that arise here and baffle us.

1. Can our senses detect everything in this world? That is, do they bring all the data that there is to our brain?
2. Does our brain form a true picture of the world from the data that it receives from our senses?

Now, some may attack the very point I have taken for granted and argue that the brain does not only work upon the data brought in by senses but can also think on its own and provide us with an experience not derived from our sense perception. In the category of such experiences they would put mathematics and such abstract concepts. To them I would ask to imagine a world where there is an organism that lives inside water and can't move. It can see only water around it. There are no other organisms. Let us call this organism Pappu. Pappu lives only on the oxygen that's present inside water. It continuously takes in water, uses the oxygen and gives out remaining water. Now, can Pappu ever form a concept of counting? Can it ever know what it is like to see 1, 2 or 3 objects? It can't. Your pet dog can differentiate between 1 and 2. You can count infinitely. It is because you have experienced the world in way completely different from Pappu. You can only think of things made up of concepts that you have experienced. In brief, you cannot go beyond your sense perception of the world. In fact there is a very simple thing that you can do that proves that your imagination is limited to the experiences created by your sense perception – Try to think of a colour you have never seen. Can you do that?

To illustrate my point more, lets do an experiment. Think of an imaginary creature that you have never seen or know of. What mental image did you form? You probably imagined a kind of creature they show as aliens on TV. You probably thought of two big eys, a green coloured skin, tiny legs, big ears or may be something completely different. Whatever you imagined, you must have most probably thought of it in these terms, namely eyes, ears, limbs, colour of its skin, sound that it produces, etc. Now forget about all your previous concepts of limbs and try to imagine a body part that the creature uses for locomotion but that's completely different from any kind of limb that you have ever seen. It is not even a combination of limbs of two or more different creatures that you know of. Can you do that? I bet you can't. If you think you can, think again. You are definitely forming an image derived from something that you have already experienced. It is always like that about everything. Our imagination consists of things that we have experienced through our senses. It might form new entities by combining different forms that we already know of but it is essentially formed out of our previous experiences.

So now, I have given you enough proof to be sure of the fact that our brain can work only on data that it receives from our senses. So the objection to my assumption is invalid.

We move ahead to the first question. In middle school science we are taught that we can visually perceive a limited range of electromagnetic radiation. What if we could see colours beyond red and violet? Our world would have been completely different. We can hear sounds having frequency from 20Hz to 20,000Hz. What if we could hear sounds with lower and higher frequencies respectively? Our senses are limited in their powers and can only obtain a limited range of data from the outside world. This proves that there is whole world out there that we simply can't perceive through our limited senses. Certain technological achievements can aid in overcoming this shortcoming but they will always be that-aids. They will never give us a first hand experience of that hidden world.

Now the second question. The answer is obvious. Our brain has a lot of shortcomings and many a times it is not even sure of how to arrange the data that it receives. A very simple example can be a Necker Cube. Perhaps Gestalt figures provide a more interesting example. We see that our brain is confused. It is not perfect. We can't be sure of whether it is providing us with the right analysis of the data that it receives. Our experience of the world is formed in our brain and our brain might very possibly be deceiving us. A very interesting article to read about how our brain arranges the data it receives in a particular fashion and can do so in infinitely many other fashions is can be read here.

So now what are we left with? A collection of senses that are limited in their powers and can only present our brain with a very small part of the world that actually exists. And as if this is not a problem enough, our brain cannot even form a true picture of that very small part of the world with the help of the limited data presented to it by our senses.

Have you started feeling hopeless? There is still more to come. Suppose that our brain is very mischievous and deceives us into believing that there is a world outside. Suppose the experience of perceiving something is not a real experience but only some electrical signals travelling through the neurons in our brain and creating an illusion of some real perception. For example, think about you looking at this screen. Are you really looking at this screen or is it merely an illusion created in your brain by some electrical signals and chemical reactions? In fact, is even the act of thinking about this illusion an illusion?

Now, you should have a reason to believe that our experience of the world around us is only an illusion. It is like a dream. We can't be too sure of whatever we see, hear or feel.

Out on the tiles

With long disheveled grey hair and a beard that fell to his chest, a man, shivering with cold, sat arched on the footpath across the street where my friends and I were enjoying cappuccinos and mocha lattes. I wondered how much protection was the ragged piece of cloth, on which he sat, against the benumbing sensation of the stone-cold footpath. The man wore nothing but a dirty shirt, torn at places, and an equally dirty pair of pants clinging to his rawboned physique. The man would stare at something for long and mumble. To everyone who passed by him, he would extend his quivering hand and if given alms would clutch the coins in his fist and get busy with his mumbling. The strength of the clutch seemed unforgiving.

Suddenly, the man, with all his might, tried to stand up. Days of hunger and cold were weighing down on him. Taking support of the electric pole that stood behind him, he finally managed to stand but could hardly straighten up his back. Sluggishly, he started walking along the footpath, his infirm legs bent at his knees.

The man was a burning effigy of human dignity. Was he a man? Could he be called a man? Dignity makes a man. For centuries, authors and poets have glorified man as the noblest of god’s creations but what I witnessed that cold winter day was certainly not nobility. It was destitution. It filled me with shame.

Living, Loving Maid

November the 15^th, 1965.

Descending down the stairs of the fort, I sat staring at the sun. A big orange ball of fire, it was already kissing the sea at the horizon. The gold of its reflection in the sea moved up and down with the waves. A flock of birds took off from among the trees to the far right and flew its way to a distant island where it would rest for the night.

Situated on the outskirts of the town, the fort was old and devoid of any human element. For someone coming from the sea its worn down façade gave an impression of a long abandoned palace. Waves came and broke down at the wall of the fort below me. The boisterous sea could not dampen the commotion my head was filled with.

A long wait ended as I heard her footsteps up the stairs. I did not turn to look. She came down and sat by my side. When her shoulder touched mine, a familiar sense of warmth ran down me. When we were in school this touch of shoulders was a necessary ritual between us. It did away with a “Hi” or some other verbal greetings, for words were insufficient and evanescent whereas it remained.  A melancholy smile appeared on her face as we looked at each other. I smiled too. She tucked a fold of hair falling on her face to her ear and letting out a sigh rested her head on my shoulder. “Yes?” she inquired.

“They say it’s pretty hot there at this time of the year.”

“Hmm.”

“Somehow I had always known it would all come to this, but I had not thought it would be so soon” she said softly. The crimson of sun washed her beautiful face.

“Nor did I. It will be very hard on them. But I can’t think of an alternative.”

When two months ago, after assimilating a lot of courage, I told my parents about our relationship they said it was ridiculous. “What will all the relatives say when they come to know about it?” my mother asked. “Relatives? Think about how I will be mocked at in my office.” My father said angrily. “Don’t even think about it once more. I have led my life with my head held high and I want it to remain like that.”

How I tried to make them understand that what society thought about it did not matter, but to no avail. My mother, on the verge of tears, started murmuring to herself how, through the years of my growing up, she had taken utmost care to raise me in the best possible way she could and that this was not what she deserved to receive in return. Father did not even listen to me. It was all ridiculous to him.

Things were not pretty different at her side too.

We lived in a small town populated with people who through generations of easy and peaceful life had learnt to be content and to take life as it came. A languor pervaded the lives of townsfolk. I wonder if anyone, save two or three, from our town had any considerable business with whatever happened in the world outside. Life was monotonous and time trotted in our town. Nevertheless, we had always loved it. We had grown up there and had spent the best time with our friends and families. In school we were best friends and remained so through the college years too. It was only after college that we realized how deeply in love we were with each other.

The sun had sunken down into the sea completely by now and a dark blanket covered the sky. She lifted up her head from my shoulder and gently touched her lips to mine. I kissed her.

"Don’t be late. I will pick you up at 5. Sharp,” I said.

“Yes.” Her eyes welled up with tears.

I knew I could not shed my tears. One of us had to be strong.

Before the break of dawn next morning, we boarded our train to a new life, leaving behind everything we loved except each other. We knew a tougher world waited for us out there and that life would not be easy for us two single girls.

Inspiration, look... see

Admiration is what A has for P and inspiration is what P is to A (and for that matter to all of us). Ever since A came into this world he closely followed the footsteps of his older brother P. A decided to open his eyes for the first time on the same day as P did, only two years later. He was christened P without the initial letter P (if you put a P before A's name it becomes P's name). He followed his brother to college and to the same branch. And if science dictates that only identical twins look same, I would rather believe in miracles.

It was during a casual discourse with KA that this subject came up and my thoughts wandered. We realized that P has had a tremendous effect on our lives. So I decided to pen down some thoughts. This post is about my friend P, owner of the most charming personality I have ever seen and a smile that reminds one of good old days.

It was four years ago when I first saw him. First day of our JEE coaching class and there he was - a short, dark, bespectacled guy who entered into the class with a poise and studious air about him. He looked like a perfect example of what toppers are made of. Every day, he would walk straight to the second bench and occupy third seat from right. Heavily oiled hair added to his geek quotient. As the year progressed and everybody immersed themselves in studying, I became more and more convinced that he would surely crack the exam. And he did. It was no surprise. What took me by surprise was that he and I were going to the same college.

P and I became friends instantly. I don’t remember when we spoke to each other for the first time but I can vividly recall the countless bakar sessions we used to have at KA’s room. KA, KS(KA’s roomie), GS, JS, P and I would sit for hours on end engrossed in desultory conversations. Gradually, JS and P became our objects of light-hearted mockery. KA and I were the first ones to observe, by chance, JS’s faint Charlie Chaplin moustache, and then nothing could deter us from using that fact to regularly invent new jokes about him. With time we realized that P had a tendency to provide every one with frequent paternal advices on trivialities of life. The upside was that they weren’t irritating, unlike the ones that come from teachers and other adults. In fact the way he spoke made them sound funny. We would observe his solemn expression every time he would start to dish out a piece of advice, his whole body language assisting him in his noble efforts and a trembling mouth jerking out Ratlami accent, only to give in to loud outbursts of laughter after he had finished. As a reaction an incredulous sigh was all he could manage. Many a time he would unintentionally utter something double entendre and KA would grab the chance. We grew fond of P. He had a solution to every problem. Eventually he found himself being called P Baba.

A special part of our daily evening fun consisted of shooting videos of P Baba. In one of them, which I might still have in some deep recess of my C:\, he is having a hard time putting on a rain coat with his bag underneath it. The memory of it still conjures up in my mind a comic image of P with a hunched back. In another one he is throwing expletives at us, irritated by the simple fact that we were recording him for some time, without his knowledge, while he had been deeply involved in some serious conversation over the phone (again, blessing someone with his advice). Funniest situations were the ones where P Baba would start lecturing JS, never realizing that JS was the last person on earth one would want to waste time talking some sense into. During all this time, I realized I had a lot of misconceptions about P Baba when I had first seem him at the coaching class. He was not very studious. He was an affable, fun loving and cheerful guy, very convivial and congenial. Moreover he would always give his sincere opinion on any matter.

Train journeys would provide excellent settings for fun. Since we hailed from same hometown, we would always go home together during vacations. Our loud conversations and fits of laughter late into night would incense fellow passengers. JS, KA and I would fight for upper births and P would come to mediate.

Three years have passed since. We still keep in regular contact with each other, though we live in different hostels now. Whenever we meet, we fondly remember all the fun we had during first year.

Flee from me Keepers of the Gloom…

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.

Robert Plant’s words and John Bonham’s thunderous drum beats echoed in my head as we spiraled our way higher and higher on the mighty Himalayas. Though there was not any midnight sun, there was ice, there was snow and somewhere little far away there were hot springs. On a rented Bullet Electra, we negotiated the sharp curves that punctuated our journey every few metres.  Crisp, cold breeze brushing against our ears whispered tales of lands unseen. On our one side stood the giant mass of rocks and soil covered with whitest of snow. On the other side, a vast vacuum that fell down to the bottomless depths lined by the road that had led us up. Cars at the bottom looked inconsequential from those heights. KK and I had rented a bike from Manali and were on our way to Rohtang.

Right now, as I look through the window of my home at the drizzle outside, the fragrance of the soil fills my heart and livens up memories of my stay in Himachal.

Barmana, a small town surrounded by small mountain hills was where we spent our three weeks this summer doing an internship at ACC Cement. The time I spent there was perfect example of a harmonious life away from the hustle and bustle of a city and though it presented its share of problems, in retrospect it seems like a distant dream. A dream that one wakes up every morning to see broken and then comes back to the reality of his life.

Every morning the sun appeared from behind the mountains and shone brightly through the window to wake us up. After a day spent at the plant (the details of which would require another post) we would return to the guest house only to change clothes and go to the dhaba situated nearby on the highway. After having tea and munching on some biscuits from the nearby bakery we would go on a round along the highway. Picturesque outdoors would fill our minds with peace that is often pursued and seldom found. On every electricity pole we would see monkeys who seemed to be enjoying their lives and lamenting those of their brothers in the cities.

Ah, what’s better than a cup of tea at a time like this? Sipping at my tea, I go back in time.

We had covered nearly half the distance up when a very long row of cars appeared out of the recesses of the mountains and blocked our way ahead. It reminded us that it was the peak tourist season. Overlooking the fact that our journey was being mired by an irritating traffic jam, we parked our bike and clicked some pictures. After some time, we realized that our bike could wend its way through the jam which was otherwise a full stop for cars and buses and so it did.

It’s almost 4:30 and if I continue to write I would miss ladies’ Wimbledon quarterfinals, er…, what to do? It’s been a long time since my last post and perhaps men’s singles are what I really care for.

The sky seemed nearer in those lands and appeared as if kissing the hills. On some evenings clouds would gather and obscure the azure with their mighty black and then shower down as hails. The soil would smell of its virility and some long beaked birds would perch on the trees that confronted the view from our verandah.

It has started to rain cats and dogs outside.  Some children are having a nice time bathing on the rooftop of a house across the street.

After covering some more distance through the traffic jam that now packed the road more tightly, our bike had to come to a final halt. Parking the bike by a side, we took to our feet. Having walked up the road for a few metres we observed that we could directly climb our way through rocks that had somehow avoided snow. It had started to drizzle and we realized that we had been shivering from cold. Everything was cold -the trees, the rocks, the soil, the occasional waterfalls we had encountered on our way, the air and the sky.  But the cold had its own quality there. It was not stagnant, but serene. Not devoid of excitement but filled with exuberance. It invited. It was independence from worldly shackles. It was peace of mind.

Right now I can feel the way I felt there. It is as if the cold air brushes against my knuckles and the needle-like drops of water pierce my skin.  It was the best feeling. Nothing before and after it was as memorable and as exciting. Often, I long to feel this way and fail miserably. But today I would not fail.

A semful of events

Finally, giving in to an insurmountable urge to write down something and an unexplained for sense of joie de vivre, I write this post. And even as I write, I am listening to these (this, this and this) songs on a toggled playlist.

This sem, until now, has turned out be quite a memorable one.

I don’t want to fiddle with the chronology of events and therefore find it necessary to go as back in time as possible.

It was in the early hours of a cold February day at Alpahar when we decided to finally give shape to our long unfulfilled wish of a Goa trip. I didn’t know then what this trip had in store for me and for my friends. Tickets were booked without wasting time. Forthcoming days were spent planning and daydreaming about the trip. Just then, mid-term exams struck and we were shaken out of our fantasies. In spite of my good preparations, I flunked Heat and Mass Transfer (thanks to my mistaking the diameter for radius in one of the questions and forgetting to multiply cross sectional area in another). Two hours post mid-terms, mid-term blues gave way to a hope for happy times ahead. When my parents came to know I was going to Goa in Holi break, they inquired when, if not in Holi break, I would come home. And the next thing I remember is - I was home. At home my driving license was confiscated and I was advised that we hire a cab in Goa instead of riding five bikes. When I returned to college, I told my friends I loved being a pillion rider but only when traffic police was around. Just when we were looking for an economical place to stay in Goa, three guys backed out. This was the first shock to our plans. However we went on with the plan, seven guys were still in. We booked three rooms in a hotel.

Meanwhile Blogomania was going great. My apprehensions that the number of entries would be nothing comparable to last year's vanished when posts count crossed 500 and participants count crossed 120.

A couple of days later our Goa plan took its second setback (and quite a sad one, this) when my dad informed me over the phone about mom’s ailment. Her left hand had swollen due to Spondylitis. I couldn’t picture myself enjoying in Goa while mom suffered from excruciating pain back home. I told my friends I couldn’t go to Goa. Now since the soul of the party had backed out ( :P), my friends cancelled the whole trip. It took all of us at least a couple of days to realize we were finally NOT going to Goa.

On 9^th of March, we celebrated Govind Bhawan Day that witnessed some superb anchoring by P and S and some lame skits and music performances by Matkas.

Amidst the disappointment of not going to Goa and my constant worries about mom’s condition, there came an evanescently joyous occasion of a cousin’s wedding day. I closed Blogomania on 10^th of March at 10:00 p.m. Next day, while students from various colleges flooded ours to attend Cognizance, I left for Haridwar to attend the wedding. It felt nice meeting so many close and ‘not so close’ relatives at the same place on the same day. Although not a very chatty and candid person myself, I do enjoy listening to others and as a result myriad questions about my mom’s howabouts and my whereabouts were thrown at me whole day by everyone I met. I answered them as least laconically as I could so as to not make anyone feel I was being rude (which I really wasn’t). As the evening tick-tocked into night, after a whole plethora of poojas and mantras, time came for vidaai. While thousands of miles away Poseidon demonstrated that he held power over not only the Greeks but the Japanese too, a tremor of emotions led to a tsunami of tears in Haridwar. When I returned to college next morning, I was exhausted and drowsy and slept till 1:00 pm. I woke up only to find not a sign of moving souls in the hostel as everyone was busy in the techfest. I attended a pretty boring lecture by some guy from Adobe who kept going on about how to form problems. Next and the last day of the techfest was also spent killing time by attending workshops and other events.

The Ides of March which brought death to Caesar around 2054 years ago brought good news to me. While going to the mess I bumped into M who informed me in his quintessential weirdly pitched and loud voice that I have been selected for internship at ACC.

Fast forward two days and here I am inclined on my bed and typing this post on my laptop. I have just sent e-mails to the winners of Blogomania this morning and have been writing this post since then.

But wait - a loud banging on the door “Mr K, are you in there?”

“ Yeah” I reply and open the door. I find some Civil guys in not so civil a mood. They don’t look like humans. They are yellow, red, blue and green, even silver too. And the next moment, I am one of them. (I should have seen this coming. It’s Holi time.) Now I can’t write until I take bath. I hit the showers, return and pick my laptop up again and complete the post.

P.S. The post was published two days after its completion. So don't go by the date of posting.

On Life...

Two of the frequent questions I ask myself are- Why do we live and why do we die. Life’s greatest irony is that we have no idea why we come into this world and why we depart from it. What difference does the existence of a mere mortal make to the vast expanse of this universe which has been here almost since eternity and is going to be for a pretty long time (So I guess. I am no Stephen Hawking, you see). I have spent a lot of good time thinking about it and all I have concluded is that the more I think about it, the more its answer, if there is any, will elude me. Moreover, sometimes I question the existence of God. And then I can feel His existence. And then I question his existence again. The bottom line is – I am confused.

The vast diversity in this nature, clubbed with its wonderful ways of working, makes you believe that there is an intelligent designer who designed it all. But does the existence of an intricate design warrant the existence of an intelligent designer? I am a Darwinist. And from whatever knowledge I have acquired in the twenty years of my life I have come to be a believer in probabilities. What we are, how we look, how we think and how healthy we are born, everything is decided by probable mutations of the genes we inherit. Many believe that the God throws the dice. But if he really exists and is the Supreme one, he should never use a dice. What use is God if he can’t provide everyone with equal opportunities to live life with dignity? What eats me is that I can’t decide if he is really there. I have always believed that Man invented God so that he did not lose the sight of what he was up to and because the pillars of morality couldn’t be erected without the foundations of a concept higher than anything and everything else. Man’s desperate attempt at saving himself from ultimate hopelessness pushed him towards conjuring up a concept so brilliant that no other man could resist its temptation. He invented God and God gave us hope. God guaranteed us a light at the end of the dark tunnel. He assured us that nothing bad would last forever.

Our thoughts and actions are motivated by our desires and material goals. Sensual pleasures keep us too busy to contemplate the deeper meaning of life. I have no sound reason to believe that epicurean way of life is the right way nor do I vehemently support an ascetic retreat. There can always be a middle way but the problem is that I don’t know where to draw the line.

No doubt that these questions befuddle us, we can’t afford to lose sight of the immediate concerns facing humanity. Hunger, poverty, pollution, illiteracy, diseases and the associated suffering are the problems that need to be tackled before anything else. You may find yourself asking what difference it would make to the universe if you brought smile to one unhappy face. But think of the difference it would make to that one unhappy heart. So let’s leave all our doubts aside and strive towards making this world a better place to come to life in and depart from.

P.S. A recent research by a prominent evolutionary biologist says that even apes have a sense of morality. They must really be God fearing! The conclusions of that study are still not final and the research is still on.

Home Is Where The World Is

As they say “The best journeys are the ones that take you home”.

For us people the best time in college is the week or two (or three) after the mid terms when, although there are regular classes going on, we are revelling in the fact that there is no trouble (aka mid-terms/end- terms) in sight for quite some time. After the first mid-terms, a substantial part this very time of mine got marred by Jaundice. Oops! Sorry, Malaria. Our college’s hospital is the last place a patient should go to. A day after the mid-terms ended I had a severe headache and started shivering. Fever followed. Two days, two appointments with the doctor and a blood test later I was diagnosed with mild jaundice. For someone like me who had never been affected by any major disease (like Jaundice, Malaria, Dengue, Typhoid, Chicken Pox, Cancer, AIDS, Crohn’s Disease or Epilepsy) before, the coming week became a living hell. Fever rose like phoenix every day, only to be brought down by paracetamol at the end of the day. Shivering followed by fever had become a part of my daily routine. The medication was not working and I was giving up the ghost. My bed had become my world. After writhing in pain and suffering for a whole week (which seemed like a whole year), heeding the advice of a very dear friend, I called my dad and told him I wanted to come Home. Next evening I found myself shivering again but this time I had mom sitting by my side and felt for the first time that everything was fine, that it was just a matter of time. I don’t think my mom fell asleep that night. But I sure did, unlike the nights I had spent in college last week. Next day we were at a doctor’s. Again the pathology guys took a bloody part out of me and I came to know that a female Anopheles mosquito was the culprit. The doctor prescribed a medication that would rid me of a protist called Plasmodium vivax. Waves of fever appeared on alternate days with each attack of merozoites on my fresh red blood cells. But with my parents by my bedside, things went smoothly. Within a week the fever gave way, though it left me very weak. But within another week I regained myself pretty much.

The whole incident taught me, or in fact reminded me that in the most adverse times it is your home that comforts you the most, that very home which you leave behind in search of greater possibilities. Life is hard and it is inevitable that if a big opportunity to rise in life presents itself you have to leave your home and embark on a long journey. But remember, no matter how long or how difficult that journey is, in the end, after making the best of it, it takes you back home. Because, home is where the world is.

The agony and the joy...

The waves that hustle and bustle on the surface of the sea make it look very joyous and happening but underneath the surface lies the real world. A world inhabited by creatures that are exquisite, yet unseen. These creatures almost don’t exist for the outer world. Only the sea can feel their presence. It seeds and feeds them. It harbours them as long as they can live and finally provides them with a resting place.

Amid all the noise that waves make while they travel and finally hit the shores, the sound of those inner creatures is muted. It’s only a matter of getting your ears just under the surface until you can hear them. Sometimes the waves sound sweet and yet at other times they are cacophonous. Sometimes they sing in the appreciation of the beauty that this nature has endowed the sea and the land with. But sometimes they are querulous about the way shore rings a death knell for them. Sometimes they are boisterous because the winds carry them so turbulently. Waves have the privilege to expose themselves to the outer world and let the world hear what they have to say.

The creatures that dwell inside are doomed to infinite solitude. It’s not that they don’t talk. They have probably more things than the waves to tell the outer world and yet due to their sheer misfortune they cannot. They are colourful and lively. If you approach them in the right way, you find them convivial. They are desperate to have a glimpse of what lies on the other side of the surface. But they can’t help it. The vast expanse of the sea beneath its surface can gratify their desires for not very long. Some of the creatures are so naive that they have no idea there is a foreign world. Their ignorance never facilitates them to push their limits.

There is another class of creatures that are so naive that they don’t realize the existence of a boundary separating their world from the foreign one and swiftly cross it. Some of them wade through the waves to the shore. Others like to somersault and in the process they occasionally catch a glimpse of the other world. Whatever may be the way, they have the ability to witness the epiphany of the moment of their exposure to the other world.

The sea below its surface holds a whole different world. That world, though very serene and placid, has creatures that outshine most of the other creatures living outside. To ignore what lies beneath the surface is to deny oneself the opportunity to have an altogether novel experience.

Recent past, present and future.

It’s been a long time since I wrote my last post. Past couple of weeks have been quite hectic and consuming. Being a Govind Bhawan inmate is almost unlucky. I had to change my room because the supervisor discovered that my friends and I had exchanged our rooms. Although I came out unscathed, two of my friends had to bear the brunt of his sadistic nature. Not that exchanging rooms unofficially is a violation of any rule, but vocalizing our grudges wouldn’t have pleased the warden and we thought it better to not get into any trouble with him.

After room affairs and registration were over, the bromidic classes began. Evenings were spent playing tennis and in endless bakar with friends discussing who did what in summers and what were everybody’s plans for the semester. Three, including me, could find only one way to keep ourselves “really” busy and that was by preparing for CAT. Yes, I admit, the same beaten track. First JEE, then CAT. Now although among the three of us I have the least chances of making it to the coveted IIMs, it will kill me if I don’t prepare while others are busy with the same. So we went to Career Launcher’s orientation session and a demo class. It was good. Then we went to TIME for the same. It was good, too. But the fact remains that in Roorkee CL has been faring better. Moreover a senior who made it to IIMA last year recommended CL to me. So it’s CL finally. Let’s see how things unfold in the coming months and whether I am able to handle the pressure or not. The silver lining is that we have quite a light schedule of classes at college this semester, although I dread that the excruciating Machine Drawing practical classes may make up for it.

Meanwhile I finished reading Thomas Hardy’s Return of The Native. Interesting story and mesmerizing style of writing kept me glued to it. Now I am reading The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara. I was also able to lay my hands on a senior’s big collection of movies and since then I have been watching almost a movie a day. I saw The Raging Bull, Finding Neverland, Kungfu Hustle, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Except the third one, all are “a must watch”.

So that’s how it has all been lately. Unlike my previous posts, this post has rather turned out to be like a diary entry. May be it’s the efficaciousness of the book that I am reading.

And there She was!!!

The day had arrived. She was coming today. His mind was blank. His lips were sealed and he couldn’t utter a word. Words had failed him today. The moment was indeed very special. He had waited for this moment three whole years. Not a day had passed when her thought didn’t pass his mind and not a night when he didn’t embrace her in his dreams. How he lusted for those curves of her! Mere words couldn’t explain it. He craved to feel her body with his own hands. He wanted to touch her everywhere and slide her hands to that large back of her which had his jaw dropped when he had caught the first glimpse of her three years ago. He would possess her now.

He vividly remembered the day. Just like other people who saw her for the first time he too was awestruck. Her beauty and elegance could seduce anyone. She was a magnate. That day he wasn’t able to take his eyes off her and had stood there for long. She did not notice him. She was the one people craved for. It was that day he had realized what was missing in his life. He had decided then and there that someday he would have her and then he would never let her go. And today the moment had arrived.

A sea of emotions rose and fell inside him as her figure drew closer. He found himself struggling with his thoughts. It was all he had longed for and then too he was more restless than ever. And then she arrived. He remained motionless for a moment. The time had stopped. The thought that one day he would be inside her and ride her had kept him excited enough for three years. It was his day today.

The driver came out of the car and handed him over the keys. “Congratulations Sir, for your new car.” He said.

When God Vanished...

When I was very small I used to enjoy watching Ramayana and Mahabharata on TV. I believed that the people showed in those programs really existed and nothing could shake my faith. God for me had the image of a virtuous man who lived by sound principles and killed the nefarious persons. I actually believed that during their battles the God and the Devil shot their arrows at each other which collided mid-air and although both vanished there itself, God’s lasted longer than devil’s. After a series of such shots, a special arrow shot by God would wreak havoc and finally the devil would take his last breath.
As I grew a little older, I started disbelieving. But why? Here’s the story.
When for the first time I picked up my 9th grade physics textbook, the world seemed an entirely different place. Many incomprehensible things seemed to be more comprehensible than ever. Everything around me seemed to follow a law. I was the happiest person in the world when during the lectures while my classmates grappled with teacher’s questions, I didn’t have to think twice what the right answers were. But I felt sorry when I saw others not being able to discern the beauty of nature that was so manifest in the subject and instead complain about it being tough and complex. Days passed and turned into months. With half the session still to come, I was already over with the physics and chemistry syllabus. I dreaded biology. It ran my blood cold. Mathematics I enjoyed. It seemed to me some obvious facts arranged in the form of symbols.
Months passed into years and I learned more. Newspapers to me were now more than just how many 4s and 6s Sachin Tendulkar scored in the last match or what movie was Aamir Khan doing next. I learned that the parliament, its members, the elections, the president, the army and the wars, the economy, GDP etc. featured not just in the Social Science textbooks. There was some real stuff going on out there.
Meanwhile I woke up to a new consciousness in the form of MTV, Discovery and National Geographic. While I loved these, I couldn’t stand the sight of the daily soaps my mother watched (she still watches them, whereas I have started hating MTV). And then like a storm came the Internet. It brought with it Google and I found a window to the world. Google introduced me to Wikipedia and I realised that there was nothing that I could not know. In all these years I graduated from school and got into college.
And suddenly as if a thunder had struck me, I asked myself if there was any God. Even with all my knowledge and resources to gain more of it, there was no way I could answer this question.
I had come to know in all these years how man controls everything around him, how his actions bring him consequences. And so whenever I saw a person bowing to an idol or murmuring a prayer I felt uneasy. He seemed to me to be superstitious. The tales that I believed so ardently in my childhood seemed to me to be mere tales now. Nowhere around me could I see God. He had vanished into thin air. The question whether God had created man or man had created God stared starkly at me. And I couldn’t ask anyone for an answer. My professor couldn’t teach me. I couldn’t Google for it. There was nothing on Discovery channel that answered my question.
Eventually after a lot of contemplation, I concluded perhaps, it was the other way round. Man had created God, for if he hadn’t, man wouldn’t have remained man. He would have considered nothing other than his own well being and he would have gone to any extent to satisfy his desires. Someone had to be there who man feared and acknowledged as the most powerful of all.
Although I have a feeling that there’s no God, I can’t convince myself. Somewhere deep inside me, I feel blasphemous. I feel as if not acknowledging him would bring me misery and pain. Nevertheless I believe firmly that bowing to him doesn’t please him if you are not kind to others. If you join hands and pray in a temple and while returning home break the traffic rules, all your prayers go in vain. If you spit in public, damage public property, hurt someone’s feelings, there’s no use asking God for help with your problems.
O my God, why do I end up preaching something or other in my posts?

Crap, holy Crap.

Disclaimer: Whatever I am writing in this post is not meaningful. Being the first post it deserves to outstand.

After some failed attempts at writing some good articles on my own, I have realized that it is much better to write whatever comes to your mind rather than writing with careful contemplation. You may create some disasters in the form of your initial articles like this one, but eventually you will start picking up as this is what I hope for myself too. Speaking of hope, it reminds me how hopeless this article makes its author seem and why wouldn’t it? I sure am hopeless to be not able to write something that is creative and keeps the reader involved for more than its first six lines. But is it really necessary for a piece of writing to be creative to hold the reader’s interest till the end? Does creative imply interesting? Is it really important to know this? I think not. I think one should write whatever comes to his mind, be it creative or not.

It’s really essential to be able to lend words to your thoughts/feelings but only if you like to express them to the world. If you are someone who keeps things inside, then well, I can say nothing about it. If you cannot express yourself in the right words, you better not express because there are good chances of what you say or write acquiring a wrong meaning, and remember, such blunders have taken down empires with them. Which empires you ask? Even I have no idea. Does this make sense? See I told you I will write meaningless crap here. Are you still reading?

If you are still reading you are probably someone who has gone through a lot in his life because being able to continue reading crap like this takes patience and a lot of guts. Ha! But writing this is fun. If you are an English teacher, a rather cruel one, give this piece of writing as a passage in English paper. I bet students will either hang themselves after the paper or will make an excuse of attending to the call of nature only to never return back. I think it is going out of my control and I should stop now. But what if I don’t stop? Ok, enough. I stop now.

I promise my future posts will be meaningful enough, at least to a person with average IQ. So please do not think that I am completely useless (Though sometimes I think so). Return back, or better subscribe.